It is so hard, when you try to reach out to somebody for some kind of support and they give you a stinky look.
Reading people’s body language is a gift in me I suppose, but yeah I feel it, I feel everything around me, the atmosphere, people’s body language, fear, hate.
Everything!
And it’s not in my mind…
I have to sometimes step away from groups or crowds, from social events, family gatherings… I’m a introvert… So what? I don’t like the sometimes the energy of certain places and people. I feel it!
I feel better when I can pet my dog’s…
The give me peace, calm my anxiety and they make me feel safe.
However, if I have to go out, and I have an “episode” they are not there, so I have to hide in a bathroom, ashamed of blast my iPod and try to breath.
My iPod is a saver too, music calms me…
I even have a few guided meditations that I download there. Sometimes it has helped me.
Other times, not even music of my sweet dogs can make the feelings numb for a while.
It’s more harder to explain…
But the feelings are real…
And I ask these questions all the time…
- What should I do?
- Is this how I am gonna feel till the rest of my days?
- Is it worth to feel like this every day?
- What is the point of feeling so much pain?
My Babbling Thoughts 
If you are an empath and then carry that abandonment wound its triggering all the time. I used to have this especially at the dog park. I would end up in tears behind a tree somewhere. Last year I got it not to take it so personally and if people don’t like or get me or look at me strange its their right. It does hurt but in time you have to just be your own best friend… That said its just too sad if there isn’t someone who really gets you and gives you the look of love, appreciation and acceptance. We are only human. Hugs ❤ ❤ ❤
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Yes! I am an Empath. However also being BPD is not helping with my triggers. Accepting a person in my life is so hard, because I am always in defense mode. I’m still learning, and meditation has helped me so so so much. Sorry for the late reply. ❤
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No need to apologise. I think any one with BPD has high empathy, it comes from being so open and having so few defences when young and trying to protect that vulnerability later in life.
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Also it takes time and a lot of work to begin to respond to things with less defensiveness.
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Yes! I agree, sometimes literally I can’t even articulate correctly, If I feel attacked or if a person replies to me, or even a text message. I have to read it a few times so I don’t feel anxious and snap. Deep breaths all the time.
Maybe it’s the interaction thats makes me anxious and defensive.
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I am very similar. I may read the same thing back a while later and wonder why I reacted as I did but there is always a trigger.
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